Tips For Managing Anger
(2/19/19) So you struggle with anger. Everybody does at some point, right? Since we all struggle with it, what does the bible say about it and how can we reign in our natural human response to what ails us? Here are a couple verses to get you started:
James 1:19-21
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
James 4:1-2
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
Psalm 37:8-9
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
Now that you’ve read a few verses to see how the Christian bible views anger, how can you begin to get in control of it? Some have anger issues they struggle with every single day. The good news is there are many things you can do regarding anger to help you become a better Christian, a better person, and role model.
Where Is Your Anger Stemming From?
First, ask yourself where your anger is stemming from. Knowing where the source of your quick, reactive, anger is coming from can help you begin focusing on its true source. Is it a loss of control? Are you covering up other feelings? Think back about the last time you lost your temper. Was it due to a driver that cut you off? A convenience store clerk? You can then ask yourself WHY does that specific behavior make you so upset and what is your motive? If your motive is to get others to do what you want, then it could be a control mechanism, attempting to bend others to your will, so to speak. If the trigger causes you to leave the room in a rage, it may be due to emotions that have not been dealt with and need to be identified.
Control-Motivated Anger
If your anger is control-motivated anger, anxiety could be the culprit. You are aiming to have everything perfect and don’t want anything to go wrong, causing you to spiral into an angry outburst or loss of control. There are several solutions to control-motivated anger that will help you.
The first issue is that of anxiety. If you are feeling anxious and upset the moment you think something could go wrong, you may want to think about your thought patterns. Ask yourself how important the situation is and could the problem be solved by simple communication instead of an angry outburst.
A huge key to control-motivated anger is that of implementing self control first. By deciding that you are going to stay in control before the situation even begins, means you are already on your way to success. Instead of unleashing on the clerk the moment he or she isn’t sure of how to solve your problem, try asking more questions or asking the clerk for additional help. If someone is not giving you what you need, ask more questions that will help the person determine what it is that you need help with. Giving someone a few more moments to help you can make a huge difference.
As a formal retail worker, I can attest to the fact that angry people often cause their own demise. I’ve seen countless incidents where someone stormed off before I had even a moment to help them solve their problem. If they did stick around, they often left me feeling confused and unable to focus on solving their problem, causing me to quickly send them to someone else simply so I could breathe!
Shutting Down
If your anger causes you to completely shut down or explode without any rationality, regardless of trying to solve the problem, this is a very good inclination of having unresolved issues or past anger. If this is the case, you may need a professional to help you identify what issues you are not dealing with. To resolve long lasting anger issues, you must confront items from your past and begin the healing process, because you may be putting undeserved blame on every poor sap who unwittingly triggers your anger.
Know Your Triggers
It is very important to know the triggers that cause you anger so you can avoid them. Even better, pay attention to the situations that are happening when you are most likely to lose your temper. Do you get anxious in large crowds? Are you a bear in the morning? It’s time to take active steps to identify when and how your anger surfaces and formulate a plan to avoid the situation if possible.
An irrational challenge I personally face is watching my son eat at times. I find myself wanting to go into an endless barrage of criticisms from the way he gulps his milk to chewing with his mouth open, to, get this, the way he breathes loudly after chewing for too long. If am in a less than affable mood, I cannot handle sitting near him while he eats. There are days when I choose to do battle and save the world from his manners, however, one day instead of getting upset and ruining both our day, I solved the problem by simply setting a paper bag between us. We continued our meal in peace, albeit his confusion of suddenly having to stare at a paper bag while eating his teriyaki chicken.
Unrelated Outliers
One thing I have discovered regarding anger is that seemingly unrelated challenges can cause irrational anger regarding other problems. Are there a few bills you have been procrastinating on? Maybe you are just hungry? If there is external pressure that can be relieved, by all means, figure out what needs to get done and get it done.
Find Ongoing Peace
One of the best ways to begin controlling anger is to find peace with yourself and God. By finding a personal and active relationship with the Lord, you will find that His unfailing love can be all you need to start getting in control of self destructive tendencies. Finding inner peace is key to self-control in all areas of your life. Without it, you will be swimming in a sea of stress. Things like finding routine in your daily life, exercise, fasting, and religious practice and forgiveness will help you on your journey of finding the peace you need.
If you are wondering where to begin, start by attending church services on a regular basis and volunteering your help to those in need. Also, be sure to read uplifting content every day. You can find uplifting content at my website, www.searchlightorganization.com.
Pray Pray Pray
As James 4:1-2 suggests above, the reason people are angry is because they have unfulfilled desires. It goes on to say the reason people have unfulfilled desires is because they have not asked of God. This suggests that our prayer life is key to controlling our anger. I cannot overemphasize how important it is to let go and put your worries and needs into the hands of God. He is the most powerful being in existence and is ready to help you.
Choose A Role
Have you ever noticed that people in different roles seem to act in a certain way? We definitely seem to have preconceived notions of how certain people in certain roles should act. Ministers should be kind and loving, warm and open. Police should be assertive and protective. Shrewd businessmen are a little rude, assertive, and always get what they want through the art of dealmaking. Well what is your role?
The way in which you see yourself determines much in how you react to the stimuli around you. If you see yourself as a shrewd businessman or lady, you may tend to act a little aggressive and never walk away without getting your way. But what if a shrewd business man or lady, acted more like a minister? Instead of intimidating others into getting what they want, maybe they would be more inclined to show love and affection to make others feel comfortable. Maybe they would tell more jokes and establish trust before going into that deal. Is there a new mental role you could play while living out your real-life role that doesn’t involve using anger as a tool? If this sounds difficult, just ask yourself, “how would I feel if someone talked to me the way I plan on talking to this person?”
Habits of Anger
Believe it or not, there are some easy-to-fall-into habits that produce the outcome of anger. The first one that comes to mind is criticism. If you are someone who criticizes others regularly, you are priming yourself for future anger. Criticism is simply trying to change others in small ways to make yourself feel in control.
One simple way to avoid giving criticism is to turn those criticisms into a reason to be positive by the art of rephrasing. For instance, pretend your spouse wears a specific outfit you don’t like. Your first inclination may be to tell them to put something else on and take that thing to the thrift store. Instead, try simply telling them that you love the way the other outfit looks on them and it would be so great if you could see them where it. The great part about rephrasing is that your mind will become tuning itself to positivity the more you practice this.
Another bad habit of anger is sarcasm. Although sarcasm is a byproduct of anger, practicing how to speak in love versus the use of sarcasm will suit you much better. The definition of sarcasm is “the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.” Sarcasm leaves its victims feeling void of love and victimized emotionally.
Anger is Fickle
Emotions are like the changing tide of an ocean. They roll in quickly and roll back out to sea before you know it. The things that are making you angry right now, at 9:00 in the evening, may seem really foolish at 9:00 the next morning. It is worth mentioning that sometimes it can be wise to hold back and address your anger later when you’ve long since had the chance to calm down. You’ll often find that what irritated you before, now has no merit whatsoever and you’ll be glad you held back.
I love that you took the time to read my article about controlling anger. Just the fact that you read it says that you are willing to change and willing to put in the effort it takes to obtain wisdom. To get in control of your anger is a crucial step in your transformation, as your behavior and attitude are a direct reflection of who you are spiritually. I hope you continue to take the time to read the articles I write at www.searchlightorganization.com.
Author: Jason Cook
www.searchlightorganization.com
Copyright Date: 2/19/19
James 1:19-21
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
James 4:1-2
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
Psalm 37:8-9
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
Now that you’ve read a few verses to see how the Christian bible views anger, how can you begin to get in control of it? Some have anger issues they struggle with every single day. The good news is there are many things you can do regarding anger to help you become a better Christian, a better person, and role model.
Where Is Your Anger Stemming From?
First, ask yourself where your anger is stemming from. Knowing where the source of your quick, reactive, anger is coming from can help you begin focusing on its true source. Is it a loss of control? Are you covering up other feelings? Think back about the last time you lost your temper. Was it due to a driver that cut you off? A convenience store clerk? You can then ask yourself WHY does that specific behavior make you so upset and what is your motive? If your motive is to get others to do what you want, then it could be a control mechanism, attempting to bend others to your will, so to speak. If the trigger causes you to leave the room in a rage, it may be due to emotions that have not been dealt with and need to be identified.
Control-Motivated Anger
If your anger is control-motivated anger, anxiety could be the culprit. You are aiming to have everything perfect and don’t want anything to go wrong, causing you to spiral into an angry outburst or loss of control. There are several solutions to control-motivated anger that will help you.
The first issue is that of anxiety. If you are feeling anxious and upset the moment you think something could go wrong, you may want to think about your thought patterns. Ask yourself how important the situation is and could the problem be solved by simple communication instead of an angry outburst.
A huge key to control-motivated anger is that of implementing self control first. By deciding that you are going to stay in control before the situation even begins, means you are already on your way to success. Instead of unleashing on the clerk the moment he or she isn’t sure of how to solve your problem, try asking more questions or asking the clerk for additional help. If someone is not giving you what you need, ask more questions that will help the person determine what it is that you need help with. Giving someone a few more moments to help you can make a huge difference.
As a formal retail worker, I can attest to the fact that angry people often cause their own demise. I’ve seen countless incidents where someone stormed off before I had even a moment to help them solve their problem. If they did stick around, they often left me feeling confused and unable to focus on solving their problem, causing me to quickly send them to someone else simply so I could breathe!
Shutting Down
If your anger causes you to completely shut down or explode without any rationality, regardless of trying to solve the problem, this is a very good inclination of having unresolved issues or past anger. If this is the case, you may need a professional to help you identify what issues you are not dealing with. To resolve long lasting anger issues, you must confront items from your past and begin the healing process, because you may be putting undeserved blame on every poor sap who unwittingly triggers your anger.
Know Your Triggers
It is very important to know the triggers that cause you anger so you can avoid them. Even better, pay attention to the situations that are happening when you are most likely to lose your temper. Do you get anxious in large crowds? Are you a bear in the morning? It’s time to take active steps to identify when and how your anger surfaces and formulate a plan to avoid the situation if possible.
An irrational challenge I personally face is watching my son eat at times. I find myself wanting to go into an endless barrage of criticisms from the way he gulps his milk to chewing with his mouth open, to, get this, the way he breathes loudly after chewing for too long. If am in a less than affable mood, I cannot handle sitting near him while he eats. There are days when I choose to do battle and save the world from his manners, however, one day instead of getting upset and ruining both our day, I solved the problem by simply setting a paper bag between us. We continued our meal in peace, albeit his confusion of suddenly having to stare at a paper bag while eating his teriyaki chicken.
Unrelated Outliers
One thing I have discovered regarding anger is that seemingly unrelated challenges can cause irrational anger regarding other problems. Are there a few bills you have been procrastinating on? Maybe you are just hungry? If there is external pressure that can be relieved, by all means, figure out what needs to get done and get it done.
Find Ongoing Peace
One of the best ways to begin controlling anger is to find peace with yourself and God. By finding a personal and active relationship with the Lord, you will find that His unfailing love can be all you need to start getting in control of self destructive tendencies. Finding inner peace is key to self-control in all areas of your life. Without it, you will be swimming in a sea of stress. Things like finding routine in your daily life, exercise, fasting, and religious practice and forgiveness will help you on your journey of finding the peace you need.
If you are wondering where to begin, start by attending church services on a regular basis and volunteering your help to those in need. Also, be sure to read uplifting content every day. You can find uplifting content at my website, www.searchlightorganization.com.
Pray Pray Pray
As James 4:1-2 suggests above, the reason people are angry is because they have unfulfilled desires. It goes on to say the reason people have unfulfilled desires is because they have not asked of God. This suggests that our prayer life is key to controlling our anger. I cannot overemphasize how important it is to let go and put your worries and needs into the hands of God. He is the most powerful being in existence and is ready to help you.
Choose A Role
Have you ever noticed that people in different roles seem to act in a certain way? We definitely seem to have preconceived notions of how certain people in certain roles should act. Ministers should be kind and loving, warm and open. Police should be assertive and protective. Shrewd businessmen are a little rude, assertive, and always get what they want through the art of dealmaking. Well what is your role?
The way in which you see yourself determines much in how you react to the stimuli around you. If you see yourself as a shrewd businessman or lady, you may tend to act a little aggressive and never walk away without getting your way. But what if a shrewd business man or lady, acted more like a minister? Instead of intimidating others into getting what they want, maybe they would be more inclined to show love and affection to make others feel comfortable. Maybe they would tell more jokes and establish trust before going into that deal. Is there a new mental role you could play while living out your real-life role that doesn’t involve using anger as a tool? If this sounds difficult, just ask yourself, “how would I feel if someone talked to me the way I plan on talking to this person?”
Habits of Anger
Believe it or not, there are some easy-to-fall-into habits that produce the outcome of anger. The first one that comes to mind is criticism. If you are someone who criticizes others regularly, you are priming yourself for future anger. Criticism is simply trying to change others in small ways to make yourself feel in control.
One simple way to avoid giving criticism is to turn those criticisms into a reason to be positive by the art of rephrasing. For instance, pretend your spouse wears a specific outfit you don’t like. Your first inclination may be to tell them to put something else on and take that thing to the thrift store. Instead, try simply telling them that you love the way the other outfit looks on them and it would be so great if you could see them where it. The great part about rephrasing is that your mind will become tuning itself to positivity the more you practice this.
Another bad habit of anger is sarcasm. Although sarcasm is a byproduct of anger, practicing how to speak in love versus the use of sarcasm will suit you much better. The definition of sarcasm is “the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.” Sarcasm leaves its victims feeling void of love and victimized emotionally.
Anger is Fickle
Emotions are like the changing tide of an ocean. They roll in quickly and roll back out to sea before you know it. The things that are making you angry right now, at 9:00 in the evening, may seem really foolish at 9:00 the next morning. It is worth mentioning that sometimes it can be wise to hold back and address your anger later when you’ve long since had the chance to calm down. You’ll often find that what irritated you before, now has no merit whatsoever and you’ll be glad you held back.
I love that you took the time to read my article about controlling anger. Just the fact that you read it says that you are willing to change and willing to put in the effort it takes to obtain wisdom. To get in control of your anger is a crucial step in your transformation, as your behavior and attitude are a direct reflection of who you are spiritually. I hope you continue to take the time to read the articles I write at www.searchlightorganization.com.
Author: Jason Cook
www.searchlightorganization.com
Copyright Date: 2/19/19