Embracing Forgiveness: Letting Go of Toxic Emotions
Author: Jason Cook - Acolyte of Zion
Searchlight Christian Organization - www.searchlightorganization.com
Copyright Date: 5/8/19
Searchlight Christian Organization - www.searchlightorganization.com
Copyright Date: 5/8/19
(5/8/19) Saying it is easy to forgive people who have wronged you may be a bit of an understatement. The fact is that it is extremely difficult and we all struggle with it. The painful truth is, however, that not forgiving others hurts you in a real and detrimental way. The fifth discipline of Holy Spirituality is conduct, which covers kindness, love, forgiveness, etc. To achieve Holy Spirituality, one must learn to forgive as part of this discipline.
“Forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven you.” Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness is probably the most challenging aspect of personal transformation for me, personally. I have a hard time moving on when someone has hurt me. I am definitely guilty of holding on to that sadness and anger, because it is hard for me to fathom how someone who is supposed to care about me can treat me in such a ruthless and uncaring fashion. A person can be walking along on a beautiful sunny day and then unforgiveness washes over them like a veil, clouding their joy and positivity, and extinguishing their light. As Acolytes of Zion (Servants of Heaven), we must get in control of our feelings of hatred, anger, or sadness toward the people who have harmed us, because holding on to these emotions for long periods of time will only destroy us from the inside.
So how does one actually forgive? Let's explore this question and tap into our spiritual selves for the answers in achieving true forgiveness that will surely bring us lasting peace.
Acknowledgement
Sometimes the hardest part of forgiveness is actually addressing the fact that you need to forgive someone. It may seem easier to brush it under the rug, ignore it and forget it all together. Sometimes this is actually a suitable answer in some situations, however, if it has been weeks, or even months, and you are still brewing, forgiveness is the only way you are going to be able to truly move on.
Time
The phrase, time heals all wounds comes to mind, here, but is it true? Not always. I have met people who will hold on to grudges for years as if they are guarding a precious treasure they can bring out and show the world at any given time when needed. Time can, however, clear up some issues. I have had instances when someone upset me, but after a week, it no longer seems significant and worth my time, but as stated above, if this doesn't seem like this is the case and I accept that I am truly angry, finding forgiveness is the answer.
Acceptance
You've now reached a point that you understand that you harbor serious and dark feelings for someone who has crossed you. This is a huge problem, because every moment of thought you waste on negativity is actually robbing you of the positive energy and amazing joy you could be feeling. The other problem is that all energy that resides within you inevitably pushes outward, impacting everyone you come in contact with, thus shifting the outcomes of your conversations and choices.
Shift your Thoughts
Forgiveness takes an unbelievable amount of mental energy to achieve. To achieve true forgiveness means you must be on a very high plane of positive mental thought. That being said, it is important to achieve Holy Spirituality before these situations occur. If you don’t know what Holy Spirituality is, it is a term coined by Jason Cook of Searchlight Organization for a mental state of being when one seeks to achieve self-discipline in eight different categories so they may experience a oneness with God and the Holy Spirit. Through this oneness, seekers experience the love, wisdom, and ability to conduct themselves as our Great Teacher, Jesus Christ, did.
What is forgiveness?
Once you have shifted your mental being to that of a higher and more positive state and acknowledged that you must forgive, it is time to do the actual forgiving, but what does forgiveness actually look like? Let’s start with the definition of forgiveness. According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, it is to cease resentment or to grant someone relief. In this case, forgiveness would mean to stop holding any resentments along with any actions you would take to show that resentment. Notice it does not say you have to go back to being complete friends and to put all your trust in that person. That could actually be dangerous to you depending on the circumstance. If you forgave someone who seriously hurt a family member out of anger and isn’t yet in control, I would advise not meeting up with them.
Jesus teaches us, however, to love our enemies. This implies that forgiveness would also mean that if the person we’ve forgiven has a need that we could provide them, we could choose to take steps to assist that person. For instance, if you knew the person you forgave was in dire straights and knew of their need, you could take steps to offer that person relief of some kind. Notice I still didn’t say that you have to become good buddies with them.
Love With All Your Heart and Mind
To truly forgive you must acknowledge that the person you are quarreling with is also a child of God. Perhaps they are already praying to God to overcome the situation that caused them to fall out of your good graces. If you have shifted your thoughts to the light and are achieving Holy Spirituality, loving someone and seeing things from God’s point of view should be a natural reaction to the wonderful goodness that is God. Come to the understanding that they are just as weak as you and are also living a humanly existence that is rife with its own pitfalls. Pray for them and ask God to bring them happiness and joy so they may turn their ways and begin to treat others fairly. They deserve forgiveness just as you deserve forgiveness. Do you remember, as a result of your own emotions and decisions, treating someone disrespectfully? Perhaps you were angry about something and you treated everyone around you with disrespect for a day, a week, or even years. What if everyone you came in contact during that time held a spiteful, rageful, unforgiving attitude toward you for the rest of your life. That alone could push a you into even deeper darkness, causing them to feel alienated and alone. As workers of the light, it is our job to bring people to God and forgiveness does just that.
Know When to Fold ‘Em
There will always be people in our lives that we drift away from. Sometimes that is the most loving act you can do for another person. If your presence brings the worst out of another person or you know that their behavior brings the worst out of you, no matter how you’ve tried to rectify your relationship, forgiving and loving that person may have to be done from a distance. You do not have to feel guilty about taking space and knowing this can improve your ability to forgive even further.
All this is not to say that you should start ignoring everyone who upsets you without letting those people understand why it is you are taking space. If you find yourself taking space from someone, they will be wondering about your absence. During that time, they may come up with all sorts of negative thoughts and accusations against you so it is important to start off this period of time with an act of kindness. Let that person know you care and hold nothing against them. Then allow them to understand that you are in need of the space that you seek. Here is an example:
“Hi Rick. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about everything that has happened and just want to let you know that I hope we can move on from this. I am sorry for what I said and likewise, I forgive you for the words you said as well. I mean, we have had some great moments and I definitely cherish them. I would never take those moments back. I wish you nothing but blessings in the future, but also recognize it may be best if we take some time to refresh and renew so we can bring things back into perspective. I sincerely hope you can understand where I am coming from and want you to know that in no way, do I want there to be hard feelings between us. Thank you for understanding while I take this time, because our friendship is very important to me.”
Tools For Forgiveness
Now that you are aware that harboring resentment harms you from the inside out, takes a lot of mental energy to actually do the forgiving, and what forgiveness looks like, how do you actually DO it when you’re truly upset? You may feel like that person has harmed you so deep, it feels impossible to recover. First you should ask yourself, do I owe this person so much that I should devote all my mental time and energy into remembering every wrong they’ve done to me. Certainly not! You may feel they should pay dearly, but, who will actually be doing the paying here? YOU if you don’t choose to forgive. So let’s go over some tips that will help us forgive:
Write a Letter
Take a moment to write a letter to the person who has offended you. Don’t worry, because you don’t even have to send it. Tell them what they did, how it made you feel, explain why you didn’t deserve it, and what could happen if they continue to treat others in this way. Be sure to write the letter out of love and not out of rage or anger. Sometimes knowing that you didn’t deserve the way you were treated is all it takes to make you feel better. Also, explaining what could happen if they continue is enough to make you realize they will have their own actions to account for. Recognizing this helps you understand that their actions don’t have to impact you since their actions alone will have a much greater impact on themselves. Also, take joy in the fact that you can see these wrongs and learn from their mistakes.
Confront The Person
Sometimes people don’t even realize they did something so wrong that you would even have to worry about forgiving them. Just telling that person how you feel, many times, is enough to make them understand why their actions could have affected you. They may even feel closer to you since they now have more insight into you as a person. Many people quietly hold resentments without ever mentioning anything. The whole reason many people hold onto negative emotion is because they feel they were not heard. Feeling like people don’t find you or your feelings important can be a powerfully negative motivator.
When You Can’t Confront
Remember that if someone has done something to you that is absolutely detestable, they are living with what they did to you whether they admit it or not. Understand that their horrible actions absolutely will haunt them until they decide to address them. We all remember the horrible things we’ve said and done to others so never think for a moment anyone is left off the hook until that person has grown spiritually enough to understand their wrongdoings and turn from them. Rather than focusing on how they’ve hurt you, maybe focusing on how they are hurting themselves could possibly be key to your healing.
Take Action If Necessary
If someone hurts or abuses you repeatedly, emotionally or physically, you may need to take action before you can begin forgiving. Whether it is confronting that person, walking away, having the law intervene, or talking to human resources at work, it is important to find a way to stop that person from treating you in a way that continuously hurts you. Often, when we take action to stop the person from hurting us, we find forgiveness, because our feelings were heard and taken seriously, allowing us to take back our own personal power.
Pray, Pray, and Pray Some More
Always remember that you are represented by the most powerful and amazing force in the universe. God. He knows your heart on a very deep level and he also knows the person you are wishing to forgive on a very deep level. Know that he is never done with his children and we are all “under construction.”
Meditate to Remediate
Unleash the power of meditation to help heal your heart so you can forgive in love. Close your eyes and imagine that person from God’s point of view. Picture that person in your mind’s eye and project feelings of love and healing toward that them. Watch as your kindness and love toward them changes their heart and feelings toward you. Imagine giving them a hug in God’s presence and light. Notice your perspective on this person changing immediately. Continue to imagine seeing them smile and feeling that understanding of God’s oneness between the two of you. During your visualization, take a moment to say with your lips “In Jesus’ name I forgive you, “Name.”
On a side note, did you know that research suggests that your brain may not know the difference between reality and imaginary? Brain scans have shown that areas of your brain fire the same way regardless if real or imagined. By picturing yourself in loving situations, you are actually convincing your own mind to view things with a greater aspect of love. For more information on this, check out this website containing an article by David Hamilton, PHD discussing this topic: https://drdavidhamilton.com/does-your-brain-distinguish-real-from-imaginary/
Rinse and Repeat
Know that some of these tips may need to be repeated several times until true forgiveness has been achieved. Emotion is a fluid thing and you will find that thoughts of unforgiveness will snake their way in. Read the letter you wrote, pray some more, and meditate on positivity over and over again.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
Ready, Set, Go!
With effort and dedication to forgiving others, you will soon begin to see the health and mental benefits that come with choosing to live an exceptional life focused on holiness and the positive energy that God’s grace provides us. I do not want to understate that unforgiveness is like a cancer within you. It can only grow and fester unless you do something about it. It hurts you emotionally and stands in the way of your ultimate goal of achieving righteousness and oneness with God. Through active love, prayer, and meditation, you can overcome and be the a light in the darkness.
Author: Jason Cook
Searchlight Organization - www.searchlightorganization.com
Copyright Date: 5/8/19
Activity:
Make a list of all those you have been harboring unforgiving thoughts toward. After each name, write down the method you will use to begin the process of forgiveness, whether it is through writing a letter, contacting them, emailing them, etc. Do this each week that you have felt unforgiving feelings toward someone.
“Forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven you.” Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness is probably the most challenging aspect of personal transformation for me, personally. I have a hard time moving on when someone has hurt me. I am definitely guilty of holding on to that sadness and anger, because it is hard for me to fathom how someone who is supposed to care about me can treat me in such a ruthless and uncaring fashion. A person can be walking along on a beautiful sunny day and then unforgiveness washes over them like a veil, clouding their joy and positivity, and extinguishing their light. As Acolytes of Zion (Servants of Heaven), we must get in control of our feelings of hatred, anger, or sadness toward the people who have harmed us, because holding on to these emotions for long periods of time will only destroy us from the inside.
So how does one actually forgive? Let's explore this question and tap into our spiritual selves for the answers in achieving true forgiveness that will surely bring us lasting peace.
Acknowledgement
Sometimes the hardest part of forgiveness is actually addressing the fact that you need to forgive someone. It may seem easier to brush it under the rug, ignore it and forget it all together. Sometimes this is actually a suitable answer in some situations, however, if it has been weeks, or even months, and you are still brewing, forgiveness is the only way you are going to be able to truly move on.
Time
The phrase, time heals all wounds comes to mind, here, but is it true? Not always. I have met people who will hold on to grudges for years as if they are guarding a precious treasure they can bring out and show the world at any given time when needed. Time can, however, clear up some issues. I have had instances when someone upset me, but after a week, it no longer seems significant and worth my time, but as stated above, if this doesn't seem like this is the case and I accept that I am truly angry, finding forgiveness is the answer.
Acceptance
You've now reached a point that you understand that you harbor serious and dark feelings for someone who has crossed you. This is a huge problem, because every moment of thought you waste on negativity is actually robbing you of the positive energy and amazing joy you could be feeling. The other problem is that all energy that resides within you inevitably pushes outward, impacting everyone you come in contact with, thus shifting the outcomes of your conversations and choices.
Shift your Thoughts
Forgiveness takes an unbelievable amount of mental energy to achieve. To achieve true forgiveness means you must be on a very high plane of positive mental thought. That being said, it is important to achieve Holy Spirituality before these situations occur. If you don’t know what Holy Spirituality is, it is a term coined by Jason Cook of Searchlight Organization for a mental state of being when one seeks to achieve self-discipline in eight different categories so they may experience a oneness with God and the Holy Spirit. Through this oneness, seekers experience the love, wisdom, and ability to conduct themselves as our Great Teacher, Jesus Christ, did.
What is forgiveness?
Once you have shifted your mental being to that of a higher and more positive state and acknowledged that you must forgive, it is time to do the actual forgiving, but what does forgiveness actually look like? Let’s start with the definition of forgiveness. According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, it is to cease resentment or to grant someone relief. In this case, forgiveness would mean to stop holding any resentments along with any actions you would take to show that resentment. Notice it does not say you have to go back to being complete friends and to put all your trust in that person. That could actually be dangerous to you depending on the circumstance. If you forgave someone who seriously hurt a family member out of anger and isn’t yet in control, I would advise not meeting up with them.
Jesus teaches us, however, to love our enemies. This implies that forgiveness would also mean that if the person we’ve forgiven has a need that we could provide them, we could choose to take steps to assist that person. For instance, if you knew the person you forgave was in dire straights and knew of their need, you could take steps to offer that person relief of some kind. Notice I still didn’t say that you have to become good buddies with them.
Love With All Your Heart and Mind
To truly forgive you must acknowledge that the person you are quarreling with is also a child of God. Perhaps they are already praying to God to overcome the situation that caused them to fall out of your good graces. If you have shifted your thoughts to the light and are achieving Holy Spirituality, loving someone and seeing things from God’s point of view should be a natural reaction to the wonderful goodness that is God. Come to the understanding that they are just as weak as you and are also living a humanly existence that is rife with its own pitfalls. Pray for them and ask God to bring them happiness and joy so they may turn their ways and begin to treat others fairly. They deserve forgiveness just as you deserve forgiveness. Do you remember, as a result of your own emotions and decisions, treating someone disrespectfully? Perhaps you were angry about something and you treated everyone around you with disrespect for a day, a week, or even years. What if everyone you came in contact during that time held a spiteful, rageful, unforgiving attitude toward you for the rest of your life. That alone could push a you into even deeper darkness, causing them to feel alienated and alone. As workers of the light, it is our job to bring people to God and forgiveness does just that.
Know When to Fold ‘Em
There will always be people in our lives that we drift away from. Sometimes that is the most loving act you can do for another person. If your presence brings the worst out of another person or you know that their behavior brings the worst out of you, no matter how you’ve tried to rectify your relationship, forgiving and loving that person may have to be done from a distance. You do not have to feel guilty about taking space and knowing this can improve your ability to forgive even further.
All this is not to say that you should start ignoring everyone who upsets you without letting those people understand why it is you are taking space. If you find yourself taking space from someone, they will be wondering about your absence. During that time, they may come up with all sorts of negative thoughts and accusations against you so it is important to start off this period of time with an act of kindness. Let that person know you care and hold nothing against them. Then allow them to understand that you are in need of the space that you seek. Here is an example:
“Hi Rick. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about everything that has happened and just want to let you know that I hope we can move on from this. I am sorry for what I said and likewise, I forgive you for the words you said as well. I mean, we have had some great moments and I definitely cherish them. I would never take those moments back. I wish you nothing but blessings in the future, but also recognize it may be best if we take some time to refresh and renew so we can bring things back into perspective. I sincerely hope you can understand where I am coming from and want you to know that in no way, do I want there to be hard feelings between us. Thank you for understanding while I take this time, because our friendship is very important to me.”
Tools For Forgiveness
Now that you are aware that harboring resentment harms you from the inside out, takes a lot of mental energy to actually do the forgiving, and what forgiveness looks like, how do you actually DO it when you’re truly upset? You may feel like that person has harmed you so deep, it feels impossible to recover. First you should ask yourself, do I owe this person so much that I should devote all my mental time and energy into remembering every wrong they’ve done to me. Certainly not! You may feel they should pay dearly, but, who will actually be doing the paying here? YOU if you don’t choose to forgive. So let’s go over some tips that will help us forgive:
Write a Letter
Take a moment to write a letter to the person who has offended you. Don’t worry, because you don’t even have to send it. Tell them what they did, how it made you feel, explain why you didn’t deserve it, and what could happen if they continue to treat others in this way. Be sure to write the letter out of love and not out of rage or anger. Sometimes knowing that you didn’t deserve the way you were treated is all it takes to make you feel better. Also, explaining what could happen if they continue is enough to make you realize they will have their own actions to account for. Recognizing this helps you understand that their actions don’t have to impact you since their actions alone will have a much greater impact on themselves. Also, take joy in the fact that you can see these wrongs and learn from their mistakes.
Confront The Person
Sometimes people don’t even realize they did something so wrong that you would even have to worry about forgiving them. Just telling that person how you feel, many times, is enough to make them understand why their actions could have affected you. They may even feel closer to you since they now have more insight into you as a person. Many people quietly hold resentments without ever mentioning anything. The whole reason many people hold onto negative emotion is because they feel they were not heard. Feeling like people don’t find you or your feelings important can be a powerfully negative motivator.
When You Can’t Confront
Remember that if someone has done something to you that is absolutely detestable, they are living with what they did to you whether they admit it or not. Understand that their horrible actions absolutely will haunt them until they decide to address them. We all remember the horrible things we’ve said and done to others so never think for a moment anyone is left off the hook until that person has grown spiritually enough to understand their wrongdoings and turn from them. Rather than focusing on how they’ve hurt you, maybe focusing on how they are hurting themselves could possibly be key to your healing.
Take Action If Necessary
If someone hurts or abuses you repeatedly, emotionally or physically, you may need to take action before you can begin forgiving. Whether it is confronting that person, walking away, having the law intervene, or talking to human resources at work, it is important to find a way to stop that person from treating you in a way that continuously hurts you. Often, when we take action to stop the person from hurting us, we find forgiveness, because our feelings were heard and taken seriously, allowing us to take back our own personal power.
Pray, Pray, and Pray Some More
Always remember that you are represented by the most powerful and amazing force in the universe. God. He knows your heart on a very deep level and he also knows the person you are wishing to forgive on a very deep level. Know that he is never done with his children and we are all “under construction.”
Meditate to Remediate
Unleash the power of meditation to help heal your heart so you can forgive in love. Close your eyes and imagine that person from God’s point of view. Picture that person in your mind’s eye and project feelings of love and healing toward that them. Watch as your kindness and love toward them changes their heart and feelings toward you. Imagine giving them a hug in God’s presence and light. Notice your perspective on this person changing immediately. Continue to imagine seeing them smile and feeling that understanding of God’s oneness between the two of you. During your visualization, take a moment to say with your lips “In Jesus’ name I forgive you, “Name.”
On a side note, did you know that research suggests that your brain may not know the difference between reality and imaginary? Brain scans have shown that areas of your brain fire the same way regardless if real or imagined. By picturing yourself in loving situations, you are actually convincing your own mind to view things with a greater aspect of love. For more information on this, check out this website containing an article by David Hamilton, PHD discussing this topic: https://drdavidhamilton.com/does-your-brain-distinguish-real-from-imaginary/
Rinse and Repeat
Know that some of these tips may need to be repeated several times until true forgiveness has been achieved. Emotion is a fluid thing and you will find that thoughts of unforgiveness will snake their way in. Read the letter you wrote, pray some more, and meditate on positivity over and over again.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
Ready, Set, Go!
With effort and dedication to forgiving others, you will soon begin to see the health and mental benefits that come with choosing to live an exceptional life focused on holiness and the positive energy that God’s grace provides us. I do not want to understate that unforgiveness is like a cancer within you. It can only grow and fester unless you do something about it. It hurts you emotionally and stands in the way of your ultimate goal of achieving righteousness and oneness with God. Through active love, prayer, and meditation, you can overcome and be the a light in the darkness.
Author: Jason Cook
Searchlight Organization - www.searchlightorganization.com
Copyright Date: 5/8/19
Activity:
Make a list of all those you have been harboring unforgiving thoughts toward. After each name, write down the method you will use to begin the process of forgiveness, whether it is through writing a letter, contacting them, emailing them, etc. Do this each week that you have felt unforgiving feelings toward someone.